EVERY word and phrase has a purpose & should be used to its fullest potential.

Deep Point of View refers to getting inside your character and writing almost from their first-person perspective. It’s POV that connects the reader to the character’s emotions, letting the reader become closer to the story, more involved.

Even without “deep POV,” you can tighten your writing by being aware that EVERY word counts. Each word, phrase, paragraph, scene, and chapter should work together to progress your story either by revealing GMC or dropping a clue that will help the reader understand something at a later point.

Deep POV ties emotion to actions and reactions, and connects the current action to what’s going on inside the character’s head (introspection, emotion, reaction).

* * *

People think in specifics. Letting characters think in specifics brings us closer to that character and WHY they’re thinking what they’re thinking at that exact moment. When you’re deep in a character’s POV, that character doesn’t keep secrets from himself (a Suzanne Brockmann tip).

* * *

Think about your own introspection.

     Would you think:

         How does he know that? I’ve never told anyone this secret.

         --OR--

         How does he know? I’ve never told anyone I hitchhiked to the coast.

     Would you think:

         That's exactly what he expected her to do.

         --OR--

         That’s exactly what she’d do.

Very simple changes subtly change a sentence from “telling” into “showing.”

Avoid using “Telling” words and phrases: felt, saw, heard, just as, plus, because, knew, little does she know, without a second thought, however, she continued, he thought, she realized, couldn’t help but, can’t help noticing. 

DEEP POV lets the reader experience the story...

instead of someone telling them the story.

AN EXAMPLE OF GREAT “DEEP POV”

From one of my favorite authors...one of her characters that has never left my memory...

OUT OF CONTROL by Suzanne Brockmann           http://www.suzannebrockmann.com

      Ballantine Publishing Group, March 2002 (pg. 1)

      At about 0530 that very morning, Ken “Wildcard” Karmody became a terrorist.

      It wasn’t a career move he would normally have made, especially on such short notice, with no time to prepare properly. But seeing how it was a direct order, he had no choice but to embrace it completely.

      “You believe you’ll be rescued in a matter of a few short hours, don’t you, Mr. Bond?” he asked his hostage -- an SAS enlisted named Gordon MacKenzie who was sitting, tied up, on the sagging floor of the hut they’d finally chosen as Tango HQ. “But such an easy escape--no, it is not to be.”

      “Ah, Christ.” Gordie rolled his eyes along with his rs, sounding as if he were doing an excellent imitation of Scotty from Star Trek, except, hot damn, Jim, the Scottish accent was for real. “Here we go, on the move again, is that what you’re trying to tell me?”

      Kenny slipped neatly from Evil Overlord to Yoda. “Try not,” he told Gordie solemnly as he untied the rope that held the Scot’s feet. “Do. Or do not.” He grinned. “And in this case, my friend, what I need you to do for me is strip.”

~~~

     Ms. Brockmann almost begins in an omniscient POV. But the more you read, the more you hear Kenny’s VOICE and style shining through.

     Ms. Brockmann introduces two characters and a situation in these few paragraphs. In this short time, we definitely get to know Wildcard Karmody. He’s a Star Trek & Star Wars fan, loves Scottish accents, obeys orders, likes to prepare for assignments, and is a cut-up and a half. We assume Kenny knows Gordon, because he’s shortened his name to a nickname. And when Kenny grins in the last paragraph, you know it’s deliberately rubbing salt into Gordie’s wound... Gordie is captured and Kenny is in charge.

DEEP POV COMPARED TO FIRST PERSON

The personal POV...

Suzanne Brockmann shares a technique in her workshops...writing a scene in first person and changing as few words as needed to make it third person POV.

REWRITTEN PASSAGE: this is the middle of a scene with Ken Karmody and Savannah von Hopf. I have underlined and highlighted the words I changed. Ms. Brockmann’s printed passage immediately follows.

     I cranked the jack and lowered the car to the ground. “No sweat. Grease washes off.” I put the jack in with the spare, closed the trunk.

     “I’m so sorry.” She was actually upset about this.

     “So you’re automotively challenged -- so what? You want to see real trouble? Ask me to practice law.”

     Jackpot. I coaxed a smile out of her. “Are you always so nice?” she asked.

     “Nah, like I said, you caught me on a good day.”

     And there they were, standing next to her flat tire, smiling at each other like a pair of fools.

     I cleared my throat. “So, um, where are you staying?”

     “At the Hotel Del Coronado.”

     The Del. Holy God. She either had money or worked for a company that did. “Okay, look. If you can give me five minutes to put my groceries in the house, I’ll give you a lift back there. Or --” Or you could come over to my place, call the rental car company, have ‘em tow the vehicle while you stay and have a swim in the pool, stay all night, stay for a week, stay forever...

     “Will you have dinner with me?” Savannah asked.

     That was it. That was the question that I should have asked her.

OUT OF CONTROL by Suzanne Brockmann

      Ballantine Publishing Group, March 2002 (pg. 25)

      Ken cranked the jack and lowered the car to the ground. “No sweat. Grease washes off.” He put the jack in with the spare, closed the trunk.

     “I’m so sorry.” She was actually upset about this.

     “So you’re automotively challenged -- so what? You want to see real trouble? Ask me to practice law.”

     Jackpot. He’d coaxed a smile out of her. “Are you always so nice?” she asked.

     “Nah, like I said, you caught me on a good day.”

     And there they were, standing next to her flat tire, smiling at each other like a pair of fools.

     Ken cleared his throat. “So, um, where are you staying?”

     “At the Hotel Del Coronado.”

     The Del. Holy God. She either had money or worked for a company that did. “Okay, look. If you can give me five minutes to put my groceries in the house, I’ll give you a lift back there. Or--“ Or you could come over to my place, call the rental car company, have ‘em tow the vehicle while you stay and have a swim in the pool, stay all night, stay for a week, stay forever...

     “Will you have dinner with me?” Savannah asked.

     That was it. That was the question that he should have asked her.

~~~

Notice how few words need to be changed. The reader knows how Ken thinks. His introspection is a very distinctive dialogue with himself.

DESCRIBING ACTION

Let the reader experience the story instead of telling them the story...

When an author “lists” what a character is doing, they are viewing the scene from somewhere else -- meaning another character or an omniscient POV -- the author usually ends up “telling” what’s happening instead of “showing” the action. To get deep POV, the author concentrates more on emotion and/or WHY the character is consciously thinking about his own movements.

     Combining action, emotion and scene pulls the reader in and keeps them turning pages. Another outside character can’t know the true emotional reaction of what’s happening to the characters involved in the scene, and an omniscient POV places an interpretation upon the feelings the characters are experiencing.

     The following is a rewritten example of listing details instead of using deep POV and combining actions with emotion. The original passage immediately follows.

REWRITTEN PASSAGE: this is the beginning of a new scene from CROSSFIRE where POV has not been established yet. Ms. Mill’s printed passage immediately follows.

     Elizabeth hid in the thicket. She listened for the sound of a cooing dove. Or footsteps. Or gunfire.

     She heard the wind rattle the pine needles. At least she hoped it was the wind, she thought.

     Her legs began to hurt, and her hand cramped from holding the gun.

     She glanced at her watch. It had been an hour since Hawk had left. The temperature had dropped when the sun went down. The only warmth came from his jacket she had put on when he’d left. She knew it smelled like him.

CROSSFIRE by Jenna Mills                                                http://www.jennamills.com

     Silhouette Intimate Moments #1275, Feb 2004 (pg. 71)

     The birds had stopped singing. Elizabeth crouched in the thicket, listening carefully for the coo of a dove. Or the crunch of footsteps. Or worse, the sound of gunfire.

     Only the wind made its presence known, rattling the brittle pine needles surrounding her.

     At least, she hoped it was the wind.

     Her legs burned from the awkward position in which she sat, her hand cramped from holding the gun. But she refused to move, to relax, to let down her guard.

     In the hour since Hawk had left, the temperature had steadily dropped. Not much sunlight squeezed through the thick undergrowth. The only warmth came from the leather of his jacket, which she’d shrugged into the second he’d turned from her. The scent of musk mingled with that of pin and mud.

~~~

Even without the first 70 pages of CROSSFIRE, in these few lines the reader is given a lot of details about Elizabeth, her circumstances and her surroundings. The author immediately pulls us into what’s happening without ever stating that Elizabeth is “hiding.”

DEEP POV THROUGH SETTING

If the description doesn’t impact the character, it won’t impact the reader.

Setting is more than just describing the landscape or type & color of the furniture.

     If a man walks into a room and notices the paisley print curtains, he better be an interior designer or those curtains better look just like the set at his mother’s house. It’s not “in-character” for the Average Joe to notice curtains. The same goes for a heroine standing on her porch and describing her surroundings that she sees every day. The author needs a reason for the heroine to be thinking about her surroundings.

     At least one of your characters will be very familiar and comfortable with their corner of the world. The other will be observing not only the new locale, but also the way another character moves through it.

     Setting is the tone of your characters’ surroundings. Observations about the actual way things look vs. the way things make a character feel. One or two words throughout a character’s thoughts can set the tone of your book and give you an excellent backdrop.

     TIME OF DAY -- long shadows, blinding sun, pitch black, bright and early, God awful early

     PLACE -- chilling, dark, dry, hot, stark, void

     NEW SCENERY -- new observations, something’s different in the familiar setting

     COMFORTABLE SCENERY -- nothing ever changes, consistency

     EMOTION -- how the setting affects the characters

TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT by Sharon Mignerey              http://sharonmignerey.com

     Silhouette Intimate Moments #1098 August 2001 (pg. 9)

      The air was chilly, and she rubbed her hands up and down her arms to banish the goose bumps. A hundred yards away the inlet glistened beneath a bright canopy of stars flung across the sky. She inhaled deeply, loving the scent of the rain-washed air. This simple pleasure was one of the reasons she had come to Kantrovich Island in the Alaskan inside passage just over three years ago. In the solitude she had found herself again and had regained a sense of purpose in her life.

     To her surprise the dog didn’t step off the porch to do his usual middle-of-the-night thing, but stood next to her, his head cocked to one side, his nostrils twitching. The last traces of sleepiness left Rosie. This was Sly in his working stance. Someone was out there.

~~~

Descriptions setting tone and scenery:

     TIME OF DAY -- glistened beneath a bright canopy of stars, his usual middle-of-the-night thing, last traces of sleepiness

     PLACE -- chilly, goose bumps, Alaskan inside passage

     NEW SCENERY (new observations) -- his head cocked to one side, his nostrils twitching

     COMFORTABLE SCENERY (nothing ever changes) -- a hundred yards away the inlet, rain-washed air, simple pleasure, solitude, step off the porch, his working stance

     EMOTION -- loving the scent, this simple pleasure, in the solitude she had found herself again, regained a sense of purpose, surprise, sleepiness left

In two paragraphs, Ms. Mignerey sets a terrific scene with emotion and description relevant to the progressing story. Mignerey takes a setting and weaves it through the story so intricately...the story can’t take place anywhere else. The setting becomes a character in the book.

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